Saturday, June 26, 2010

Another Day

Well, it's Saturday.  The rain we'd been waiting for arrived today!  Maybe not as much as we needed, but it brought along a nice breeze and cooler temperatures, and we have rain chances the next few days.  For those of us "roughing it" without a/c, that's a very good thing.

I'm good a couple weeks with the kids, by week three and four I start feeling it, anything past that is just...  Survival mode.  I can do what must be done and I live in a perpetual state of tired.  That's where I am right now.  Five weeks tomorrow.  Maybe they can go to their dad's soon.  I don't know what else I can share right now.  There's not a lot left in me.  I look forward to co-op starting again.  I miss the people.

Off to enjoy a snack, yogurt/trailmix & orange juice, with a movie, Bed of Roses.

From a sleepy Ozark hilltop, Good Night!

Friday, June 25, 2010

My Day, A Gift

By the time I reach the end of my day, I'm too tired to do anything else.

But I had a good day with my kids today. 

We waited for rain that never came.  Painted.  Found sock puppets.  Repaired sock puppets.  Rounded up more socks to make more sock puppets.  Played in the water.  Played maze (or something) through the round haybales by the garden.  Required more time in the water :)  Shared a nice supper together.  Baths.  Storytime.  Hugs, kisses, prayers. Goodnight.

And a thousand other little moments in between that encourage me, keep me going.  Yep, I'm headed in the right direction.  And yes, what I do is important.  I am glad to be here with my kids.  Even if I have nothing left to give to anyone else at the end of the day.  Yes to being...  Alone.  Single.  Unmarried.  Three children.  Homeschooling.  A Child of God. 

Yes to Being.

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Who Would You Give Your "Yes" To?

What I mean by this is, Who would you be willing to give your authority to?  Who would you be willing to receive "orders', as it may be, from?  In choosing a mate, we choose, whether we realize it or not, to give that person authority in our life.  I've been head of my home four years, and before that married to a truck driver.  So I did pretty much whatever I wanted.  Except when he was home.  A respected friend said something to me that got me thinking:  "You'd have to give up a lot to get married again."  I like not having someone to answer to.  Or to ask before I do something.  I like being in charge.  I like not having someone to fight with.  I so don't want to fight.  But I get tired of my self for company.  Of being the only one when something goes wrong.  Or being the only one when something goes right.  I long for a "grown-up" intimacy.  I am a gift.  But I will not give my self to just any one.  I will not settle.  Because I am worth it. 

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

I Walk the Lonely Places

Lonely places I have been:  Alone with 2 small children while my husband drove over the road.  Homeschooling two children while expecting a third.  I have held on while everything fell apart, and my husband left when the baby was 4 months old.  I have raised three kids by myself.  I held on when my son was angry and my daughter was sad.  I held on when the baby needed... everything.  I have done teething, potty training, puberty, alone.  I have seen God replace washer, dryer, hot water heater, refrigerator, and keep the jeep running.  I have sat with two children while one had eye surgery.  I have cleaned the house, prepared the meals, and paid the bills.  All by myself.  Because if I didn't do it, it didn't get done.  And I have learned:  I can do this.  God is Good.

I have walked the lonely places, and I have found my strength.